Looking For Lazarus

Reaching for you was always down

Through layers of dejected dirt,
My muddy fingernails dig into
your dusty dreams, to salvage
them from the death encroaching
upon the fringes of your world.  
Looking for Lazarus, but finding
Judas at my back. An empty
sepulcher of salty sufferings
is my only inheritance.  You
pass them to me as you turn away
and leave me in the tainted
terrain where you no longer seek
resurrection.  

A white, white world is all around
A dirty, dirty girl is what I found
Beyond the layers of you.
Smudges that will not erase
Remain behind on your face
And cover this insidious place,
Where now I must try to find
love.

Mother Martyr

Mother martyr, may I smile,

May I sing for a little while?
May I feel just a little bit good,
The way the little really should?
May I please forget all about you,
Just for a little moment or two?
May I feel I’ve done something right,
May I sleep in peace tonight?
May I skip and jump and play
Without your glare and hell to pay?
May I not have to close my ears
Against your hoarse and bitter tears?
May I close my eyes and see
No big, black hole waiting for me?
Mother do I have to know
That daddy had his seeds to sow?
Can I please forget all about
The man you have to live without?
Can I pretend for just one day
That I didn’t make him go away?
I’d like to say that I knew
The one he really left was you.
I know, I know that’s just so wrong,
But my fantasy won’t last too long.
All I’m asking for is a break
From this hell I have to take.
I’ll return to my fear and shame
After I play this little game.
Mother Martyr, I’ll pay my dues,
I’ll always be the one to lose.
I’ll do anything you ask of me
If just this once you’ll let me be
A little girl without a care,
Instead of the heavy cross you bear.

Collision

Thoughts of you collide with implanted notions.

My inheritance
from a generation of tearful treason,
burned into my brain
like a brand of incessant mumblings
that should need no
interpretation,
but I asked for one anyway.
Well-intentioned
mockery of the heart of humanity
has begat nothing.
Only a blind misery made palpable
by fantasy
that caused an illusion of love.

The impact is destructive,
consequences interruptive,
carcasses of my universe
decomposing all around.
Carnage is scattered and
my assumptions are battered,
but in the midst of it all
stands you…

The only thing still intact amid
all this twisted debris,
between the crushed pieces of my
former frame of mind,
where black and white once were are shades
of gray that now I see...
They are the only things left that
separate you and me.